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Can Huge Beanie Baby Stockpiles of Average Americans Bail Out America? |
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October 9th, 2011 With the Federal debt soaring and the stockmarket behaving like a jittery rollercoaster there doesn't seem to be a lot of confidence in the American economy right now. The average American has never been very smart about finances when it comes to saving money, but there is one investment that every family in the country made early in the 1990's that is now easily worth many times over the original cash outlay.
"People always said Beanie Babies would be worth something someday, " sez Beatrice Eenybebe, the newly appointed Federal Plush Toy Czar. "Now the value of these holdings are estimated to be in the trillions of dollars, and that's without even factoring in the ones that still have the 'Ty' tag in the ear. If even a modest tax were levied on the private Beanie reserves the Federal Deficit could be easily eliminated." |
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Beatrice Eenybebe is the newly appointed Federal Plush Toy Czar. |
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Ordinary middle class Americans like this couple typically posess disgustingly huge caches of beanie babies in their basements. |
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The evil top 5% of beanieonaires should be taxed at extortionate rates. |
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A beanie tax could replenish depleted Federal plush wildlife reserves. Coincidentally, both of these heavy equipment operators are named Biff. |
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