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CEO of Quackmondo.com Offers to Resign Amid Disappointing Results |
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June 26th 2011 Biff Boffo, CEO of the internet sensation Quackmondo.com, offered to resign amid accusations of malfeasance, gross bumbling and lost opportunities. Quackmondo.com, the first website ever created, has been an innovator and trend setter from the start, but in recent years has experienced a slump in internet traffic. Investors have complained of a lack of fresh web content, a weird obsession with platypii, merciless Iowa bashing and what has now become an all too familiar complaint, the site's continued practice of using horrible 1980's era clip art. Always an inspirational leader, Boffo said he had no intention of changing the "tired and true strategy" he developed over the years, and would rather step down as CEO than make any changes whatsoever. "Basically if you ask me to stay I'll resign and if you ask me to resign, I'll stay." |
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Quackmondo.com was the world's first website and had to be programmed entirely on this card punch machine. Punched cards were then pasted together to make the web pages. Here we see Quackmondo's first CEO, Biff Beadybeak writing unary code in a language called Algor. Computers were all unary devices in those days, in that they only used zeroes, which gave rise to languages like Algor. It was many years before computers were powerful enough to use both ones and zeroes, a development which brought about the advent of the first true binary computers. |
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The fateful web page design meeting where the decision was made to use 1980's clip art exclusively on the site. The man on the left was later fired for hairstyle-related violations of Quackmondo's strict dress code. When confronted with his dress code infraction, the employee denied that there was any issue, however he was reminded that "hair like a flapjack" was certainly just cause for dismissal. |
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Quackmondo was started by a father-son team of entrepreneurs: Bob and Biff Buckerman. They are now suing eachother over ownership rights to the bazillion dollar biffhemoth. |
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