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And now my dear friend, I'm ready to share the fruits of my years of research, my "journey" if you will, with you. Yes, the incredible success secrets I've developed after a lifetime spent in this most incredible of endeavors, I am now presenting to you in a cogent, accessible way in the form of the Theory of Humanesticism, my life's work and my personal gift to you.

The Theory of Humanesticism consists of six volumes of the most powerful, concentrated, systematic methodology for winning big in life:

Volume I - Introduction to Humanesticismics Win any game, close any deal, conquer any fear, ford any stream, charm the wimmensfolk without creepiness, this introductory volume outlines the basic strategies and practices of Humanesticism.

Volume II - Dianetical Materialism What both Karl Marx and L. Ron Hubbard were so close to discovering but that only I succeeded in synthesizing. In Chapter 4 you will learn how to apply a "notch filter" to your harmful brainwaves, so you can "Unleash Your Inner Tyrant of Influential Upsilon Thought Waves."

Volume III - Dreamscaping in the Intellectual Landfill How to make the most of the cultural clutter you see around you. Send your mixed metaphors out to work for you and reap great financial rewards.

Volume IV - Become the Moment Be careful!!! This book is only for those who wish to wield a kind of power most of us only scoff at!

Volume V - Card Tricks to Impress Learn all the greatest card tricks sure to amaze and cast you as the life of any party while making a big impression on life's "you know whos" (grin).

Volume VI - I Am Both Wave and Particle The mystical practice that puts it all together. Completion of the disciplines outlined in this book will allow you to graduate to Humanestics "Ippiki dan" (rank 1)

Testimonials:

"I keep a spare pair of suspenders in the car at all times since completing this course, thankyou Humanestics!" - Edgar Plodlum, Sambiki dan (rank 3)

"Our family has fewer colds in the winter since switching to raw sugar" - Royce Vandermill, Humanestics Juppiki dan (master's rank 10)

Order the entire Six-Volume set today for only $79.99!!!

Hi, I'm Lardner "Biff" Thorlson and I wonder if you would just spend a little time with me that might easily turn out to be the most valuable few moments of your life.

You see friend, I've spent a lifetime researching a subject that all of us are interested in, namely, what is the best way to consistently achieve success in life.

This search led me to some strange places, places that most of us would not dare to tread intellectually, but in my thirst for the essence of knowledge I gladly submitted myself to the rigors and perils imposed upon me by the journey, often not knowing from moment to moment the state of my own sanity and whether I would find the keys to living a successful, productive, full life, or emerge from the path a blubbering, broken man, mentally incapacitated by the strain of my venture.

Alit, Alcibiade - In my quest I pored over the classics: Pliny, Plutarch, Euripedes and Eumenedes, the Po River Poetry Society, tied the Po Man's Sliding Butterfly Knot and sat under the eminent scholarship of Herman E. Utics.

Sturm und Drang - I plumbed the lyrical depths of German romanticism, where I lost untold hours of the best years of my life walking with Herder, Schelling and Schiller, sometimes laughing, sometimes weeping uncontrollably at the soaring beauty of their achievements.

Progressive Pungs - I became addicted to seamy mahjong parlours, playing chicken hands when I was desperate to win, throwing down thirteen orphans or knitted tiles to stun and shock my opponents, all the while gleaning precious tidbits of knowledge that I stored away in my capacious brain.

Squeaky Wheels - I traveled along with the Metis and their Red River oxcarts from Selkirk down Pembina Escarpment along the West River Trail, and through the mystical Leaf Mountains of Minnesota, a range now long gone, where I conversed with the highly intelligent stick insect people, they poked at me with their bony digits as they drove home their arguments with irresistible logic.

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