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Squirrel Stowage Rates Forsqueak a Long Harsh Winter

The Great Oaf-Bound North can be an inhospitable place come wintertime as these geese are discovering.

September 27th, 2009

Squirrel nut stowage rates are at an alltime high this fall, which has many worried that certain areas of North America may be in for a nasty winter. These stowage rates are higher than 150% of normal in the vast Great Oaf-bound North region, which as we know encompasses North and South Dakota, Minnesota and Wisconsin.

This raises concerns that this region, which typically experiences bleak, harsh winters in a normal year, will experience an exceptionally brutal winter this year, if these small, furry animals are to be believed.

"Squirrels may be, well..squirrely, " sez Biff Stoatson of the Oaf-bound Vole & Vermin Center in Brainerd, Minnesota, "but they're not dishonest creatures, as a rule. They may steal birdseed from the feeder in your back lawn, but when apprehended, they're not going to sit there and lie about it. Moles on the other hand..."

Biff's voice trails off as he glances outside his office window just as a large woodchuck with an armful of nuts loses his balance and plummets from the branch of a nearby tree into the thick autumn underbrush.

Last year's calm demeanor on the face of this squirrel (left) is contrasted with the frenetic, worried expression of the same squirrel (right) photographed in pretty much exactly the same pose this year.

The greater northern arboreal iguana which inhabits the bleak forests of the vast oaf-bound north has also been exhibiting an increase in nut-hoarding behaviors this fall.

Volunteers have placed cups of water along forest pathways to help quench the thirst of busy, furry, forest folk.

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