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New Daycares are Designed to Train Your Children To Dominate Their Peers |
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May 10th, 2009 A new breed of daycare is catching on across the nation. Designed to prepare children to negotiate the real world of adults: the domineering, overbearing, condescending, back-stabbing, manipulating, uncouth, boorish world of adults, that is. "Children generally lack the real social skills they'll need to do well in the workplace by the time they graduate from highschool," sez Biff 'Duce' Bjornsen, founder and headmaster of the first Tyrant Tots daycare in Dayton, Ohio. |
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Now a nation-wide chain, parents are lining up to stick their children into Tyrant Tot Daycare's aggressive learning program. "Whether you're child is planning on going into corporate America, the academic world or the sciences, being a class-A jerk is something that will always advance one's prospects. And this is to say nothing of preparing for an exciting career as a social engineer, nanny state worker, enviromaniactivist or petty bureaucrat." Some of the class titles include: Bullying I & II, Power Pouting & Tantrum Behaviour Patterns, Sidewalk Rage Incident Initiation, Speaking Truth to Power, My Imaginary Friend - Mr. Control Freak, Empowering Yourself at Another's Expense and Yes, as a Matter of Fact My Rights Do Exist in a Vacuum. |
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The look of wild abandon on this child's face as he practices initiating a sidewalk rage incident is an indication that he will go far in life. |
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Concentration is key in the Power Pouting class. This child didn't show the required fervor and was quickly expunged from the program. |
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Speaking Truth to Power - it's all about positioning. |
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